just checking in

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! We did. It was busy, but lots of time spent with friends and family!

I haven't done too bad with the sweets, but regular foods are a whole other story. My Mom has been cooking ALOT, to deal with missing my dad (I think). Well, she doesn't want to keep any leftovers and my brothers aren't taking much. So, that leaves me to take them. (out of guilt, of course) I did tell her she needs to cut back because I can't keep eating Christmas dinner every day! I think I've had one glass of water in the last week. Talk about water retention!

So, I've been taking my thyroid meds regulary. And, I have a much better outlook! Thank God! I didn't want to be around me, anymore!

So, I guess I'll get back into "it" with everyone else on Jan 1! I'm up a few pounds from my initial weigh in three months ago, but it could be so much worse!

Happy New Year!

Humph!

I have not been a good girl. No-sir-re-bob! Life has been getting in the way. Fortunately, it hasn't been too bad on the scale. I lost 1 pound last week and gained 1.5 this week. I'm still down from when I started which is a good thing.

It's time for another pity party. I am miserable! All I want to do is cry. I'm stressed out with work and with home. I stopped taking my thyroid medicine about a month ago. The pill bottle got moved and I just didn't care enough to worry about it. Now, I'm in a bad place. I'm short on patience. I never really had much to begin with. I'm depressed and irritable. Normally, I'm a very happy person. I cry once in a great while, but lately it's an every day thing. I can barely listen to country music right now, and it's my favorite! This is the downfall to not taking my thyroid medicine. This miserable state is how we found out I had a thyroid issue to begin with. So, I made sure I took my pill this morning because I don't like living like this. I have a very short fuse and even yelled at the husband (which isn't normal). I might threaten to stab him with a fork occasionally, but it's all in good fun. Today.....that's another story! :-)

So, I'm really hoping things level out by Christmas. I love Christmas! And I don't want to be a depressed, miserable mess that day. It's going to be a really fun day. Maddy is 2 1/2 and is really starting to get the picture. She's even been asking to "see Santa" this week. We're heading there on Saturday morning. Here's hoping she doesn't flip out once we get there!

So, right now, I'm not following my diet. I'm not back to eating bags of cookies, but I'm not limiting anything either. I did manage to eat 2 servings of fruit yesterday. That hasn't been one of my food groups of late.

And exercise? Yeah, right. I decided not to join the gym down the road. I can't even force myself to go check it out, so why spend the money? I have a dog. I just need to take her for a walk!

Until next week people! Happy dieting!

I'm still here

Well, I've actually gained a 1/2 pound in the last two weeks. And considering everything that happened, I'm relieved. We went out for a celebratory birthday dinner on Nov 8th and then my Dad passed away on Nov 9th, the night before my actual birthday. So, it's been a whirlwind since last Sunday. People were so caring and generous. Food pretty much poured in my Mom's front door. And I didn't really worry about what I was eating. So, I'm trying to get back to a normal routine and trying to get back to carb counting. It makes it easier since I've only gained 1/2 a pound, but Thanksgiving is coming.

Wednesday Weigh In

I was relieved and surprised to see a loss of 1.5 pounds this morning. I have been eating cake that was left over from the baptism. Eating cake has been the worst thing I've been doing. Thankfully, the cake is almost gone! I've also been eating too many carbs since Sunday. And I can feel it. My body feels stiffer and puffy. If that makes sense to anyone....I still need to check out the gym by my house....won't happen until later this week. My husband is out of town and I'm a single mom for the week.

Hope everyone had a successful week!

10/31 food journal

Happy Halloween!

AM Snack
Fiber One Protein Bar cal: 150 fat: 4.5 carb: 28g fiber: 9 net carb: 19
Coffee w/2 TBSP creamer cal: 70 fat: 3 carb: 10g fiber: 0g net carb: 10g

Breakfast
2 egg cups (1 egg/1 egg white, little bit of cheddar cheese)
Fiber One Yogurt cal: 80 fat: 0 carb: 19g fiber: 5g net carb: 14g

Lunch
1 cup Veg Beef Soup (Whole Foods)
4 oz turkey breast
2/3 c couscous
1/4 cup mixed veg
12 oz can Root Beer
3/4 c Apple Cinnamon Granola cal: 450 fat: 21 carb: 59g fiber: 6g net carb: 53g
(from Whole Foods Grocery Store) ***it's a bit high in fat and calories but does have 10g of protein

Snack
1 med apple
2 celery stalks w/ 2 TBSP cream cheese
1/4 c raisins

Dinner
2 bowls homemade chicken soup
2 crackers
1/2 ham sandwich w/ little mayo & spicy mustard
8 oz 1% milk
1 oz pumpkin seeds

Dessert....it IS Halloween
Everything is in the "fun" size (read....very small)
1 - twix
3 - kit kat
2 - milk dud
2 - m&m

10/30 food journal

7:15 am
Fiber One Protein Bar cal: 150 fat: 4.5 carb: 28g fiber: 9 net carb: 19
Coffee w/2 TBSP creamer cal: 70 fat: 3 carb: 10g fiber: 0g net carb: 10g
Sugar Free Hot Chocolate cal: 50 fat: 0 carb: 10g fiber: 0g net carb: 10g

9:30 am
2 egg cups (1 egg/1 egg white, little bit of cheddar cheese, 2 cherry toms)
2 oz scrapple
Fiber One Yogurt cal: 80 fat: 0 carb: 19g fiber: 5g net carb: 14g

11:00 am
1 pkt oatmeal cal: 160 fat: 3 carb: 29g fiber: 6g net carb: 23g

1:00 pm
2/3 c pasta
1/4 cup steamed broccoli
small salad
about 1 oz shred cheese
2TBSP Olive Oil & Vin cal: 150 fat: 16 carb: 1g fiber: 0g net carb: 1g
1/2 C fruit cocktail
cup decaf hot tea

***OK, so the HR department had a fall "bake-off" contest and there's 10 different desserts sitting in the lunch room. I know they're there and I know I shouldn't eat them. However, I'm beginnign to obsess about them. That's just not good. So, I think I'll go in and sample a couple. That way I might be able to focus on something other than food!
***I feel much better now! :-)

Dinner
2.5 baked chicken breast tenders
1 cup creamed corn
large salad
2 TBSP o&v dress
1 oz cheddar ch

Snack
2 TBSP peanut butter
1 med apple

***asked Husband to bring home ice cream. And he was going to. I really didn't want it, but felt like I should have it. I love icecream. So much so, it's a habit. The light bulb went off when he agreed to get it. I gave him some grief for agreeing to get it. He knows better! But he's an enabler when it comes to icecream. See, I won't go buy it myself, I'm too embarrassed. But, he'll get it for me. So, I told him not to bring it home. I didn't really want it, I certainly don't need it and I had the dessert sampling this afternoon. I read a blog post this week (see link below) that made a good point....having a slip up (dessert this afternoon) doesn't give you a license to slip up the rest of the day. I've had that outlook for way too long. I would eat something for lunch that I shouldn't and figured the day was ruined, so I wouldn't worry about what I ate the rest of the day/week/month. So, saying no to icecream was a step in the right direction. Am I giving up icecream? Absolutely not! But, I'll try to be a little wiser about when I have it.

http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2008/10/every-bite-counts.html

10/29 - Food Journal

I'm going to try and track my food here and see how it goes...I'm not sure if I'm going to like doing it in this format.

Any suggestions for low carb / low fat snack item, that has protein?

Notes
Net carbs = total carbs less fiber
Fiber helps lower the impact of sugars and starches on blood glucose

I also drink at least 64 oz of water each day, usually more. I have a HUGE jug that I carry around with me. I get made fun of, but I know I'm getting the amount of water I'm supposed to. :-)

7:15 am
Fiber One Protein Bar cal: 150 fat: 4.5 carb: 28g fiber: 9 net carb: 19
1 Reese's PB Cup cal: 220 fat: 13 carb: 24g fiber: 1 net carb: 23
Coffee w/2 TBSP creamer cal: 70 fat: 3 carb: 10g fiber: 0g net carb: 10g

9:00 am
2 egg cups (1 egg/1 egg white, little bit of cheddar cheese, 2 cherry toms)
2 oz scrapple (yes, I eat scrapple) :-)
(I don't have the nutrional values for breakfast)

10:30 am
1 pkt oatmeal cal: 160 fat: 3 carb: 29g fiber: 6g net carb: 23g

12:15 pm
1/2 cucumber
6 cherry toms
1 tbsp salad dressing cal: 150 fat: 16 carb: 1g fiber: 0 net carb: 1
1 c pasta w/ mushrooms, a few peas & red sauce
1/2 c fruit cocktail
12 oz caff free/ diet soda

4:15 pm (I'm starving...missed 3pm snack time)
1 oz cheddar cheese cal: 110 fat: 9 carb: 1g fiber: 0g net carb: 1g
1 medium apple
1/4 cup sunflower seeds cal: 160 fat: 13 carb: 7g fiber: 3g net carb: 4g
***so this is my very low in carb snack (yay) but my very high in fat snack

6:3o pm
8 oz filet mignon
1 cup steamed broccoli
1 med baked potato
2 TBSP sour cream
spray butter
8 oz 1% milk cal: 110 fat: 2.5 carb: 13g fiber: 0g net carb: 13g

10:30 pm
1 pkt oatmeal cal: 160 fat: 3 carb: 29g fiber: 6g net carb: 23g
I TBSP peanut butter cal: 100 fat: 8 carb: 6g fiber: 2g net carb: 4g

Wednesday weigh in

**********Correction********
I only gained 1.5 pounds. For some reason, I thought I had lost a total of 4, which gave me a different starting weight this morning. So, since I only lost 3 total pounds, I only gained 1.5. Sometimes, I'm grateful that my memory isn't all that great.
***************************

I wish I could have used yesterday's number. But unfortunately, I can't. And what point would that serve? It certainly wouldn't be honest! So, I'm up 2.5 pounds (instead of the .5 yesterday).

Here's the good news....I know what I'm doing wrong, I just need to use a little more control and stay focused.

Here's the bad news.... Friday is Halloween and I love peanut butter cups! And Sunday my daughter is getting baptized, followed by a brunch buffet. (there will be plenty of options to make healthy choices, I just have to choose them)

One final note.....don't buy your favorite halloween candy to distribute to the kiddies....buy something you don't like. Why have temptation staring you in the face?

Hope everyone else had success this week! Go OSB!!

Confessions of a Mad Woman

I think I've done it this time. I'm not sure what my problem is. I'm not sure what my motivation is. And at times, I am self defeating. Yesterday, my dinner included half a bag of corn chips, half a jar of cheese sauce, a large pile of cookies and some pudding. That's enough to make you sick. And it did. That's right people, I actually vomited. I can't tell you the last time that happened. I think I was a kid. (excluding crazy nights of partying in my twenties)

I knew it wasn't good for me. I knew I was blowing my healthy eating. Yet, I couldn't stop myself. I think I did it on purpose. And maybe it has taught me a lesson. I felt horrible last night! (physically) My stomach was in so much pain. And I'm still a bit unsettled today. Let this be a lesson to me! I don't want to go there again. Not to mention, I am breastfeeding and it can't be any good for the baby.

I fully anticipate a weight gain this week, because of this weekend. I do really well during the week, but I can't get a handle on the weekends. So, I'm back on track today and will try to be positive. But I must tell you, I am a miserable person today!

On a higher note, I am going to check out a gym 5 minutes from my house. Mind you, I already have a contract with a gym near my work (for another 14 mos). But I came to the realization that I HATE that gym! And that's only one of the reason's why I don't go. I'm itching to pick up some free weights. Love me some free weights! I used to tell my husband, "don't tell me I'm beautiful, tell me I'm strong". There's something motivating in pumping iron!

Wednesday Weigh In

I lost 1 lb this week!! And, I'll take it! I must say I am completely surprised. The weekend was a complete disaster, food wise. The weight loss certainly gives me motivation to keep going. To avoid a food disaster again this weekend I think I'll pack my food for the day, the night before. (like I do during the week)

I found this great website: It calculates the carbs, protein and fat you need to maintain your weight and gives you a range to stay within. By using this, you can reduce the number of (calories/carb/protein & fat) you need, in order to lose a certain number of pounds per week. It's worth checking out.

Remember: 3,500 calories = 1lb

http://www.sheerbalance.com/nutrition_calculators.html

One little change I've made this week: I take 4 flights of stairs up to the wellness room, 3 times a day. (I'm breastfeeding, so I have to pump during the day) The elevator sure is easier! But, thinking like that is what got me in this situation.

Hope you had success this week!!

Organization

There's something to be said for being organized. I used to be extremely organized with everything. Somewhere along the line, I lost that skill. And I blame my husband. We've been married for almost 6 years and I think that's when it started. And it got really bad once I had my first daughter, 2 1/2 years ago. And even worse while I was pregnant with our youngest, who will be 2 months old on Sunday. I'm talking to the point of not paying bills. It's not that the money wasn't there, I just couldnt' find the time/energy/desire to do it, or much of anything else. Luckily, I married a wonderful guy and he did everything! Laundry...dishes....bathing our daughter....cooking....cleaning. I kept promising that it would be better once the baby was here.

And now to the point of my post....the organization is coming back. But, really, I've been left with no choice. I have two small children and my husband and I both work full time. So, our nightly routine is a bit chaotic. ...pick up the girls, fix dinner, get baths, pack lunches, clean up dinner, pick up toys, lay out clothes for the next day...and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, bedtime for our oldest, which requires us to sit on the floor outside of her room, until she falls asleep, which can take anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and a half. :-) So, last night was evening 4 of that routine and we've been doing really well.

What I didn't expect was my eagerness to clean. Apparently, when I'm not staring at a sink full of dishes, because they've actually been washed and put away, I find I have the desire to wash the floor. Let me say that again....wash the kitchen floor. We've lived in our house for 3 1/2 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I've cleaned that floor. (did I mention I have a wonderful husband!?!?) This organization thing came to a new level last night. Not only did I clean the floor, but I even cleaned the powder room. Again, not something I do on a regular basis. Usually, I just invite someone over so it forces us to get it done! But, it got done last night, and we have no plans to have company. And then, I folded all the laundry we had been doing all night. Can you say PRODUCTIVE? Now, the laundry didn't actually get put away, which is something else we've always slacked on. We usually pull our clothes out of the laundry basket to wear. But we're turning over a new leaf and it'll get done tonight or maybe tomorrow, but it'll get done!

And my eating seems to be falling in line with all that organization. I plan my food for the next day and pack it for work. It helps me stay focused and an added bonus....I'm saving money!

One last thought...
Productivity = Motivation
The more productive I am, the more motivated I am to do everything! Turning off the TV helps too!!

Going Well

The first two days have gone well. I've backed way off on my carb intake. Definitely, no COOKIES. I was actually down 2 pounds this morning, but I think I had too much salt over the weekend. I'm packing my food for each day which helps me stay on track. I'm going to keep focusing on the carbs and see where I need to adjust things next week. I don't want to do too much too soon! That will never work.

I like to have protein in the morning. Actually, I like cereal but there's way too many carbs in a bowl of cereal, so I try to have protein without eating a Sausage/Egg Biscuit from McD's. So:

Egg cups....

Mix eggs together in a bowl (I use eggs and egg whites so I'm not eating too many whole eggs)
Spray a muffin tin with Pam
Pour egg mixture into each cup - fill about 1/2 way
Add to each cup a little bit of cheese and cubed ham or bacon bits
Bake in the oven at 350 until done
(I used 4 eggs and 5 egg whites and baked for about 16 minutes.... it only filled 8 muffin cups)

Heat up in the morning and eat on a dinner potato roll - has a little over 1 carb serving.

Favorite Snack: 1 carb serving
1 oz cheese
1 apple
1/4 c sunflower seeds (low fat, good protein, very low carbs)

The first day

I stepped on the scale this morning in hopes that it's the last time I'll ever see that number. 268. There, I "said" it. That will probably be the one and only time I "say" it, on this blog or ever.

My diet plan.... diabetic, which limits the amount of carbs I eat. I didn't actually do the calculations yet (I'm hoping to do that tonight)....but I'm starting with 9-10 carb servings per day. In case you're interested, or don't know, there's 15 grams of carbs in 1 carb serving.

Today is my first day back to work full time, which makes it easier to eat healthfully, however it completely stinks to know I won't see my baby until 5 pm, at the earliest. (I left her at 7:30 this morning). I know I'll get used to it. I have with her older sister, but I think there's a part of me that would rather not get used to it.

My exercise plan... I fully plan to incorporate exercise into all this. Even if it's just a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. Once I get situated working full time with two kids, I want to hit the gym. I LOVE lifting weights. It's just a matter of making the time and getting over my "people are looking at me" issues. And once I start, it'll be that much easier to keep going. Everyone knows, you feel so much better after working out!

The Plan

So, Sunday night I'm gonna pack my food for the next day and Monday morning I'm gonna hop on the scale and see what the number is. And that's where I'll start on this long journey to health and happiness. Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who will support me no matter what. And the extra special thing about him....it doesn't matter to him, what size I am. (lucky for me) Though, I was a "big girl" and "well-fed" when I met him. Which is why I've called him a chubby chaser occassionally. All in good fun, of course.

Please don't be offended by the terms I use here. Remember, I'm being brutally honest!

Now, I'll probably run out tomorrow and buy another bag of those stinkin cookies, because I've got 3 more days before the diet starts. I'll just pig out until then. And maybe I won't. So far, I'm not feeling the need to pig out. Maybe that's because it's almost midnight and I have to get up in 6 hours. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

A little background

So, I've been overweight most of my life. I tried this diet and that diet and so on and so forth. In my early twenties (I'll be 35 next month) I lost about 70 lbs (by eating less and doing 60 minutes of cardio 5 days a week) which dropped me down to a size 14. I felt and looked great. But I got lazy. So, again.... I tried this diet and that diet, lost a little, gained a lot. I gained the 70 back and another 55. That's where I was last October when I got pregnant with our second child. For some reason, my body handles pregnancy really well (as far as weight gain). With my first daughter (born May 2006) I gained 12 lbs and was down a total of 40 (including the 12 I gained) after I had her. But, once I stopped breastfeeding, which had balanced out my horrible eating, I gained the 40 back. With my second daughter, who was born in August of this year, I ended up gaining no weight and am down 20 lbs after having her.

My plan was to continue to lose weight while I was on maternity. Unfortunately, my love of chips ahoy cookies and icecream has kept me from losing any additonal weight. Well, there was that 2 pounds for about a week. :-) I kid you not, I have eaten several bags of cookies. Luckily, I'm breastfeeding and that has offset the hundreds and hundreds of calories I've eaten in cookies over the last few weeks.

The diet was going to start when I went back to work. I went back to work on Monday, but only half days. So, then I decided (because I'm still eating those damn cookies) that I will start this coming Monday, when I go back full time. My rationale (excuse): I can be more organized with my eating. And I do eat better when I'm organized. The trick is staying that way. I struggle with staying organized in all aspects of my life.

But I'm turning over a new leaf. I've been blog surfing a little bit and came across a woman's blog detailing her weight loss. Funny enough, it was her picture that really struck me. She is posed with her horse. And that's the one thing that I can't do right now because of my weight that makes me really, really sad. So, her picture has been in the back of my head for the last week or so. So, tonight, I was checking things out and found my way to OSB (Operation Skinny Bitch). The name alone is awesome. Well, I wanted to join the bandwagon. What I didn't want to do is link it to my "regular" blog for all my friends and family to see. It's just not something I want to be brutally honest with them about. But here, where no one knows me and I've been sure to set up a separate email and blog and can't be linked back, I can be brutally honest! And I've learned the brutally honest "thing" from MckMama. I'm sure you've heard of her, she's quite popular!

And that's how I got here. At the moment, I am motivated and want to put my health first! For my daughters and my husband and for myself. I want to be the Mom that's out playing with her kids instead of sitting on the couch watching TV because she's too tired/lazy/out of shape to play with them. I want to be involved in their activities and not hide in the car because I'm too embarrassed of myself to be social with the other parents. I don't want my girls to have the "fat parents". I want to set a good example and teach them the proper way to eat and to teach them that exercise is just part of a normal daily routine, not a chore that must be dreaded. I want to shop in normal stores and wear cute trendy clothes. I want to like myself when I look in the mirror.

But most of all, I want to ride! Ride like I did when I was younger. I had horses until I was a freshman in college. I sure do regret letting that go. But, it's expensive to have horses and I had to commute to college and work two jobs. At that time I didn't realize it would be so difficult to have one again, financially speaking. And add to that my excessive weight, I just can't get on a horse. I weigh too much. When I made that realization a couple years ago I was devastated. But, apparently, not devastated enough to do much about it. But here I am. And that's where I want to be!

So let's see if I can do it right this time!